MOD Harry is not Amused: Deus Introductio
by Nyx the Author
Summary: Harry introduces himself at the Divine Council meeting. They sort of wish he hadn't, and Thoth would like Ra to stop tricking him into being the pantheonic representative, thank you very much. - (The fourth part of the 'MOD!Harry is Not Amused' series)


**Send in requests based on this series if you have ideas. Make sure what you request works with the other crossovers. If it doesn't take place on Earth, or in another world like Code Geass of something, then specify it. Death does exist everywhere, meaning more paperwork for Harry. THe beginning of the chapter is written by The_Plot_Bunny_Whisperer, one of the writers of the 'MOD!Harry is not Amused' series on AO3,**

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Deus Introductio: Or - Why Ra is a Bastard, According to Thoth.  
A.K.A. – The Deus Initium Omake That Grew Out of Control  
A.K.A. - The Fates are Screwed

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Summary: Harry introduces himself at the Divine Council meeting. They sort of wish he hadn't, and Thoth would like Ra to stop tricking him into being the pantheonic representative, thank you.

* * *

There was a light pounding in his head, like a migraine knocking politely to be let in. Thoth put Ra's face on it and squashed it ruthlessly, opening his eyes to look around the table.

The room is vast and opulent, with gold and jewels and silk everywhere. It's a bit gaudy in his opinion, but when you have dozens of finicky, vain, childish quasi-immortal beings of immense power stuck in the same room for a time every few hundred years, _gaudy_ is a bit unavoidable (and also understated) in order to keep the worst of the offenders satisfied. The most prominent feature of the room is the table he's sitting at, though 'table' is not quite the right word perhaps. It curves like a crescent moon across a majority of the room, shrinking and expanding as necessary for each use. For trials, it becomes rather small, as they usually only involve members of specific pantheons at a time (there's not usually a lot of crossover) but for the Divine Council meetings, it becomes long enough and large enough to seat dozens, if not hundreds.

Thoth eyes his seated peers.

As usual, Zeus and Jupiter are snarking at each other in tones so passive aggressive it's a miracle it hasn't come down to a duel yet (as inevitably it will, it's only a matter of time) while Tinia is being entirely unhelpful and egging them both on. Hera, Juno and Uni are, through millennia of careful practice, tuning them out and have drawn Danu and Frigga into a murmured discussion away from everyone else. (Thoth eyes them warily. Nothing good comes from those five conspiring together. -Ever-.) Odin is loudly extolling his latest battle to anyone who'll listen (this time an uncomfortable Izanagi, who is very carefully -not- looking like he's trying to flee) though Thoth is pretty sure that he would keep talking even if nobody was listening simply for the love of his own voice. A bit away from them all, Marduk, Yù Dì, Achamán, and Perun are locked in a fierce and intense game of mahjong, while Shiva, Vishnu, Yahweh, Anu and Samas stand around them placing bets.

Thoth heaves a silent, heavy sigh and covers his face with one hand. The migraine is knocking again, and perhaps he should just let the damn thing in, because it will win eventually anyway.

What certainly doesn't help, and sets him mind spinning through various theories and visions of skewering Ra on a pike for tricking him (-again-) into being the representative for their pantheon, is the presence of those who are not, technically, part of the Divine Council but have seats anyway due mainly to their positions. The various pantheonic death gods very rarely ever show up, and certainly never all of them at once. The fact that all of them have shown up - every single one, which is insane in itself as most of the time they bicker worse that Zeus and Jupiter on a good day - is like a giant, blinking warning sign.

Obviously, something happened. Something -big-. Something that was going to ensure that Thoth hid for the next few thousand years to force Ra into attending the meetings (like he should be doing, the lazy bastard). Well, if he didn't kill him first. It was a toss-up.

It's Marduk's turn to start the meeting, but it doesn't look like he'll be torn away from his game so soon, so Thoth turns to Anubis instead and is about to enquire about his sudden desire to be social when he notices something strange. All the death gods, whom previously were simply sitting on their (Very comfortable looking) seats looking awkward and a little bored while completely ignoring each other were now staring at the same spot on the far wall with expressions of nervous anticipation. Curious, Thoth follows their line of sight.

Forming on the far wall, is something he'd only seen maybe a dozen times, but was certainly something he'd never forget. A dimensional portal (which in itself should be impossible, as the hall was warded to prevent any and all dimensional portals from forming within it due to all of the assassination attempts in the Beginning) filled with shadows. While he'd seen dimensional portals hundreds of thousands of times, including those of his own making, he'd only ever seen a portal filled with what looked like living shadows form for one being, and those few times were a few times too many. It doesn't take long for the formation of the portal to finish, though Thoth finds himself somewhat curious about the silver lightning that accompanied it. That was new.

It takes even less time than the portal formation for the pieces to click together and Thoth very fervently vows to make Ra suffer. (The visions of Ra's gruesome death in his mind have grown a bit - or rather a lot - more sadistic. And painful. And lasting. Preferably forever. Because obviously, the bastard had somehow known.) After which, of course, he would follow through with his plans to hide for a few thousand years.

Death - _The_ Death, and the only Being allowed to make a portal wherever It damn well pleased (those who argued lived for maybe the second and a half it took for Death to get annoyed) - has only ever shown up at a Divine Council meeting for two reasons.

1) One of the Pantheons has foolishly pissed It off and is to be made an example of.  
2) Death's physical representation has been replaced with a new avatar.

Seeing as nothing immediately came to mind as to what (or whom) might have pissed It off, and considering that the last time he'd seen Death's Portal it had been laced with ribbons of red and white light, the only conclusion he could form was that Death had a new avatar; and as per tradition, the new physical representation of Death had come to introduce Itself. Thoth was partly accurate in his assumption, but in reality it was both reasons he had come up with.

(It showed up mostly so everyone knew who to watch out for lest some idiot minor deity accidently piss off the one being in the universe that can erase said deity's entire pantheon from existence on a whim, as happened to the rather stupid gods once worshiped by the unfortunate beings who once lived on a small world that was destroyed by a rogue comet. The Death Avatar of the time had figured that if those people no longer existed, then their gods shouldn't be allowed to give It headaches by existing as well. All of the pantheons were on very, very good behavior for the millennium or so following that whole debacle, but, well… Thoth had always been of the opinion that most gods had the mentality and emotional maturity of two year old humans with too much power and ego for their own good, so the good behavior didn't last very long.)

Thoth eyes the portal, eyes the plethora of nervous Death Gods and Prophetic beings, eyes the door, and calculates his odds of escaping before anyone noticed. They weren't very good odds.

* * *

 _Earlier..._

The dark-cloaked being of indeterminate gender deposited a letter on the large luxuriant mahogany desk, and stood back waiting for the Boss' verdict.

After finishing a form it was signing, the being at the desk glared at the innocent envelope with baleful emerald green eyes, and slitted the envelope open with a finger. He skimmed the very short note inside, and frowned.

 _Divine Council Meeting_  
 _Every 6 Months  
It is required for the aspect of Death to introduce themselves to the council upon acquiring their status_

"What do you mean the Divine Council?" Harry Potter, the current Master of Death growled at the dark-cloaked being of indeterminate gender. "I have literally mountains of paperwork! Why should I waste my time going to meet with other beings of most likely Divine levels of annoyance?" he cried, gesturing to the mountains of precariously balanced parchment, teetering perfectly in such a way to not spill on his chair.

The dark-cloaked being of indeterminate gender shivers at the thought of what would happen if the paper hit the chair. It would be like a paradox, two equally opposite substances meeting, the perfectly comfortable armchair and the horribly messy bothersome paperwork, resulting in an event that would be felt across the universe.

...

Perhaps that was an overstatement, but the last the dark-cloaked being of indeterminate gender that messed with the chair got a punishment from the Boss, and no one wanted that ever again. The minion observes the Boss ruffle through one of the smaller filing cabinets, and pulled out a piece of paper, squinting at it.

 _Dear Harry,_

 _You now are The Death._  
 _Congratulations._  
 _The minions have the rest of your paperwork._  
 _Please remember to introduce yourself at the next Divine Council meeting._

 _Love,_  
 _Zane_

 _(PS: The Asgardians are morons. Just roll with it.)_

Harry sighed. "I assume this Divine Council is what Zane was referring to?" he groaned.

The minion nodded rapidly, wanting to not piss off the Boss.

"Is it mandatory for me to go to this one?" A nod. "Do I have to go to the other ones?" A shake of the head. "Do I have to do paperwork while I'm gone, and will you do at least some of it for me?" A shake, and a sad nod.

Harry sighed at the unfairness of it all, and got up, weaving his way around the mounds of vellum. The minion was grateful there was a clear path through the paperwork he had made earlier, or else they would have had another incident where the Boss got lost in the paper. He arrived in front of the minion holding a very tall stack, about ten feet tall, at his side.

"I'm bringing some paperwork with me, so , and as I am now leaving on official divine business, what's here is all yours to work on." Harry gestured to the paperwork, and the dark-cloaked being of indeterminate gender trembled, probably in fear.

It had been an agreement they made. If Harry was out of official duty, not just dealing with someone causing him more paperwork, and the Divine Council was official business, then the minions would deal with as much paperwork as they could while he was gone. Otherwise if he left on non required business, then the minions could pass more paperwork to him. Straightening his back, and balancing his purple cup in his free hand, Harry opened a portal to the Divine Council room.

* * *

Thoth and the death gods, having been some of the only divine beings to have noticed the portal so far, leaned forward to observe the newest aspect of Death. The first thing to exit the portal was a pair of pale, almost glowing, hands, intricately adorned with silver and black swirls going up its arms in a hypnotic pattern. The two hands carried two things. The left hand held a purple cup, unusually large, but not ugly. The other held a stack of ( _shiver)_ paperwork, much taller than the figure was. Then the body stepped out, with the head hidden behind the paperwork. Thoth could make out the Thoth sighed in relief when he saw that the latest aspect was human. It wasn't much better than any other being, but many aliens and other species were known for a much shorter temperament than humans. Death stepped forward next to his chair, and dropped the stack of paperwork onto the table with a boom. Placing his cup on the table, Death sat down, and began filling out the parchment beside him, one by one, his quill scratching away. Thoth couldn't make out the face of the aspect, as the paperwork was in the way.

The sound of the paperwork hitting the table had finally attracted the attention of the other Gods, just after the portal had closed. As they hadn't noticed him arrive, the Gods did not yet notice the new arrival or knew who he was. Marduk knocked his spade against the table, alerting the other beings that the meeting was starting.

"I hereby start this meeting of the Divine Council." he called, as the Gods all faced the front, actually paying attention for once. "Who would like to begin the meeting? Is there any news that is important to the council?" Marduk asked the group, his voice magically projected in a way where all members could hear his dulcet tones clearly.

The room was quiet as they waited for someone to speak up, as there had not been anything of actual importance since the Big Three of the Greek Gods had the pact to have no more demigod children. Anubis frowned, and whispered to Hades who was next to him. Hades passed it on to Thanatos and Thanatos to a Shinigami named Ryuk, and so forth until it reached the newest arrival. The other beings watched this pseudo game of telephone take place, confused as to who the being was that was so engrossed in his paperwork he would not even notice the rest of the room. Finally, it fell upon Yin Changsheng, one of the rulers of the Japanese underworld, to pass the message to the aspect of Death.

Harry startled when he looked up from behind his stack of paperwork to someone tapping his shoulder. "What is it?" he asked irritably. "I'm working, because I have _paperwork,_ " He said threateningly, saying the word like a curse. "That was caused by you blokes, and went straight to me." he said distastefully, glaring at the entire room. There was a pause and the death god that had tapped on his shoulder whispered to him.

"You need to introduce yourself in to the council." the Asian God whispered.

"What? Oh, I have to introduce myself? Very well." Harry sighed. A shuffling of papers was heard and the (Very comfortable looking) seat was pushed back. As he stepped to the side, he observed the room he was in with slight distaste. It was very gaudy, with golden ornate walls, and gems in the table, which was quite distracting for him. But what can you expect from a group of spoiled gods in one room? It would be like a lot of ADHD kids in one camp without supervision.

(On Earth, a few large groupings of Demigods sneezed simultaneously, and cursed whatever God caused sneezes. Percy blamed Apollo, the God of Too Many Things.)

 **Fun Fact: Many cultures see sneezing as a sign of prophetic fortune from the gods.**

As the being stepped forward, Thoth could make out a head of unruly dark hair, upon pale skin with an aristocratic face. Death's eyes were like emeralds, glowing slightly as he glanced at each of the Gods in passing. Jupiter and Zeus felt a chill as he looked at them, and were uncharacteristically quiet. After he had looked over each of the beings, which took a few minutes, Death waved to the general group. "Hello, I'm Death, it is nice to meet you all, and I hope I don't forget any names." He stood there for a moment thinking, then nodded to himself with a grin that terrified many beings in the hall. It was never good when Death grinned. They had already lost many lesser gods that way.

"Allow me to introduce myself. I was a wizard before I died, and now I am stuck doing acres of paperwork. Also, I was the Chosen one of a prophecy, so I was wondering which one of you was the cause of that? Can someone tell me which gods or other entities were in charge of the future and Prophecies? Thanks!" he exclaimed happily. The hall went silent, someone waiting for someone else to play the blame game. Finally The Norns shoved the Fates forward gleefully, and the three older women trembled when they saw who Death was.

"Harry... Potter..." the middle one whispered frantically, the other two fumbling with the strings in their wicker basket they always had. They pulled a string that glowed a toxic green from the intricately woven basket. It appeared to have been cut multiple times, but was tied back together shortly afterwards. "Impossible. You were not meant to survive, how were you made Death?" The one on the right muttered.

"Well, you see, it was a funny thing known as the Deathly Hallows. Those were made by the previous Death as a way out of his job. They bypass fate itself, as you cannot argue with Death. Fortunately, those belong to me now, so the same situation won't happen again. But, you did put me through unnecessary trials for the prophecy. As Death I now know how simple prophecies are supposed to be. Meaning, you messed with me specifically because you wanted to. That prophecy was the most ludicrous one I have ever heard, and was able to be completed in practically any way. And I am unhappy." Muttering began in the mobs of Gods, and the Fates looked like they had nearly fallen into Chaos itself.

Death's face darkened, his eyes flashing. "And that is why... you must..." the three women quaked in fear, already dreading the answer. "Do paperwork for me." The Death Gods gasped, terrified.

They stopped. "What?" the one on the left said.

"I will have you do one year's worth of paperwork for me, of my choice." At the description of the punishment, the Fates sighed, relieved. Thanatos looked like he was about to pass out, and the other gods looked pale. As Death, almost all important paperwork went to him. As most paperwork dealing with Death was important, the other gods of death had practically no paperwork compared to the amount that went to Death.

Thoth shivered. As the God of Knowledge, he knew how much paperwork that was, and was happy that he had almost no way to piss off the Primordial being.

Death flicked a hand at the Fates, and an obsidian bracelet (read: heavy shackles) appeared on the crones, and they glowed in an unearthly light. "I will summon you with these when I require it, so long as doing so won't ruin the future too badly." The Fates eyed the shackles worriedly, but did not argue.

"Well, that's all I think I should need to do." Death sighed, and sat back down, suddenly ignoring everyone, its attention focused on the pile of paperwork, which had shrunk by a decent margin. Cautiously, the gods began speaking with each other once again, giving glares at the fates for nearly causing them to have to replace yet another god. (Often when a god was killed, the council was too lazy to get a replacement, and gave the aspects to each other. Hence Apollo having so many obscure aspects.)

Marduk sighed, and motioned for the other gods to begin speaking. "Greeks and Romans?"

"No new updates, the camps are well hidden, and we don't have any important announcements." Zeus and Jupiter sighed simultaneously, lightning crackling. They turned and glared at each other. "Hey!" they began taking turns shocking each other with small bolts of electricity as Marduk moved on.

"Egyptians, anything?"

Thoth stirred, glancing over as Osiris and Isis shared a nervous glance. "We have had some minor signs of Apophis stirring, but it shouldn't be anything that requires intervention from the other pantheons."

"Very well." Marduk replied. They carried on along the same repetitive act around the table, with minor squabbles. A little while later, they reached the Prophetic Beings.

When the Fates were asked if there was anything important in the future, they replied with. "There will be many great trials in the future, and will put great strain on many heroes. Beware..."

In response, Zeus and Jupiter both threw a fit, as there were many prophecies that could happen, many of which would threaten their position as head of the pantheon. They threw a bolt of lightning at the Fates, who reflected it off of the scissors they carried around. It then bounced around the room, ricocheting off of many things, including but not limited to: Odin's spear, through The Gem of Kukulkan, the Trident of Madhu, Gáe Bulg the spear of Cúchulainn, and finally off of Kaladanda, the staff of the Death God Yama. Everyone followed it as it hit the table, and bounced in a way where it went over the stack of paperwork, and hit Death. Death was blasted off of the seat, and hit the wall behind the chair.

Absolute. Silence.

Death stood, and its eyes were glowing with a black light. The air swirled, thickening.

" _ **You. Hit. My. Chair. Now, you must be PUNISHED.**_" Death's form stretched, and warped, unnatural limbs appearing. Zeus and Jupiter screamed.

* * *

"And _that_ is why I find Olympians to be a dysfunctional, selfish, and idiotic group of beings!" Death boomed. Satisfied, Death hummed to himself as he walked through the suddenly made portal, landing back with his chair and cup in his room. As the portal closed, the form of two very pale Lightning Gods were seen, shaking on the floor, surrounded by a circle of burn and slash marks. After Death was gone, they fell over passed out. The rest of the room was either pale, passed out, or terrified because Death showed its true form. They had literally just had a brush with Death.

"W-well then." Marduk said cautiously. "You are all dismissed..." The gods stood and left, saying goodbyes to each other, with their own individual methods.

Thoth stumbled slightly as he left via a sand portal to his temple. He walked unsteadily by all the other gods who hadn't gone to the meeting.

"Hey Thoth! How'd it go?!" Bast called. He simply stared at her with unblinking eyes. "Ooh, that bad, huh?"

"There's a new Death." was all he said, and she winced. That was all she needed to know. Who knew that two incarnations ago Death was allergic to cat fur?

He saw Ra (that smug Chicken-faced bastard) relaxing on his throne, and growled.

Ra turned to see Thoth standing in front of his throne. "Thoth, welcome back! Thank you so much for taking my spot!" he began, and was cut off instantly by the god of knowledge, who grabbed his throat. " _Never again._ " Thoth said.

"O-of course not." Ra said, then realized that Thoth was serious. "What happened?" the sun god asked.

Thoth simply sent him a mental image of the true form of Death. Ra shook, unable to get the image out of his head, as if Apophis itself was trying to possess him.

"My work here is done." Thoth said firmly, turning out of the room. The made his way to his own chambers, and moved to lay in his bed next to Ma'at, his consort.

The last thing Thoth thought before he collapsed into his bed shortly after was ' _I need a drink._ '


End file.
